轉寄: 一位國文老師的告白

我是個國中的 國文 老師，生平最痛苦的事情就是改作文!!
字醜就算了，還會自己學倉頡創字!!
創字就算了，還會用自己奇怪的邏輯寫句子!!
每次都改到哭笑不得……………
====================================================
１、元旦時，我們全家一起到歷史博物館參觀「冰馬桶」…
師評：有這樣的東西嗎？我也要去！（兵馬俑）

２、早上起床整裡「遺容」後，我們到學校集合，搭車前往墾丁畢業旅行
師評：不知道你家是哪一家殯儀館？老師一直都不知道…（儀容）

３、昨晚左眼皮跳個不停，當時就覺得那是「胸罩」，果然今天皮夾被扒走了!
師評：孩子，你已經這麼大了嗎？（凶兆 ）

４、報上說重金屬污染過的牡蠣，可「治」癌…
師評：一字之差，養蚵人家翻身矣！ 我是不是該趕快去養牡蠣？會賺到翻哦… （致癌）

５、昨晚我和同學到速食店吃晚餐，我們點了兩個漢堡、「雞份一塊」…
師評：好吃嗎？雞糞？（雞塊一份）

６、星期天準備外出逛街時，匆忙之間不小心給「肛門」夾到，真倒楣!!
師評：老師很好奇──誰的肛門這麼大…？（鋼門）

７、四下無人，不要從背後拍我肩膀，我很容易「受精」…
師評：孩子，我可能是你爸哦…老師記得曾這樣讓很多人「受精」喔!（受驚）

８、逛完花市後，我花錢買下「賤男」，準備帶回家過年。
師評：發音正確一點，「劍蘭」會哭的…

９、我的歷 史 老師長髮披肩，個子矮小，脾氣不好，有一點點「胸」…
師評：歷 史 老師要我轉告你「等下上歷史課﹐皮給我繃緊一點。」（兇）

１０、我認為自己是個品學兼「憂」的好學生…
師評：你是該憂了──不及格。（優）

１１、在「崎嶇坎坷」的人生「康莊大道」上，我們要堅定方向…
師評：此路可繼世界八大奇蹟兵馬俑之後，登上第九大奇蹟。

１２、從小就住在我們家隔壁的陳伯伯住家三樓最後面一間廚房不知道為什麼會三不五時地飄來一陣又一陣烹煮紅燒牛肉時所散發出來的濃濃迷人中藥味道…
師評：明天麻煩你一口氣唸完這句給我聽，不准換氣。

=========================================================

這次出的作文題目是：美食與我

我非常沾沾自喜，相當期待這麼生活化又簡單的題目
一定能讓他們發揮的淋漓盡致，可以減輕我每次改作文到快往生的噩運!!!

沒想到我錯了!!!!!!!

這些天兵天將們每個都是未來的棟樑????……
節錄一些下來:

1.我最喜歡吃的食物是生魚片，但是生魚片最讓我困擾的地方就是他的魚刺很多。

2.我最喜歡吃的食物是生魚片，唯一美中不足的是，他總是沒煮熟。

3.我最喜歡吃的美食是青菜，青菜中最喜歡吃的美食是白菜，為什麼喜歡吃白菜呢？因為他是青菜的一種（繞口令嗎？）

4.我最喜歡吃滷肉飯跟貢丸湯，他們對我來說不只是一種美食，而是……兩種美食。
（真是謝謝你的數學教學）

5.我最喜歡吃外婆煮的菜，裡面包含了很多愛心，但是萬一外婆死了我就吃不到了，所以我要趁外婆還活著的時候，叫他每天煮三餐給我吃。 （這算虐待老人嗎？）

6.我最喜歡吃那種在外面跑的雞肉（所以你要吃雞肉前都要追著他跑？）

7.我最喜歡吃美食，是那種出現陸地上，天天都看的到的那種肉（人肉？）

8.我對美食的要求很嚴格，他不能是由一位傷心的廚師做出來的 （連續劇看太多了，孩子）

9.媽媽很厲害，他下廚以後，可以把一顆蛋變成一顆荷包蛋（不然呢？）

10.每次媽媽煮完菜我們全家都會歡呼，於是媽媽就走進廚房再做第二道 （原來你家都是一道菜煮完再煮一道…）

11.我很喜歡跟爸爸去逛夜市，因為美食都能讓我感到垂涎三尺，只要我看到那些食物出現，就會跟爸爸說我要吃這個我要吃那個結果我當然什麼都沒吃到 （好心酸的孩子）

12.我最喜歡吃媽媽煮的菜，跟外面賣的差的可遠呢! （那到底是好吃還是不好吃？）

13.世界上美食很多，其中我最喜歡吃的外國料理是台南擔仔麵 （同學，請問你是哪國人？）

14.生魚片實在是太好吃了，每次一想到我的口水都會緩緩的滴下來… （慢動作嗎？）

15.有一樣食物讓我百吃不厭，那就是雙胞胎，名字聽起來大家一定都會覺得很奇怪，沒錯，他就是很奇怪（這樣有解釋到嗎？）

16.我吃東西總是又快又急，沒辦法，熟能生巧嘛! （我呼吸總是又快又急，沒辦法，熟能生巧嘛…！）

有前輩說：他上輩子殺了人，所以這輩子處罰他當老師。
唉...我想我不只殺了人，還是………………

殺..錯..人….

才會淪落到當 國文 老師………

換小學老師了:

１。題目：一邊……一邊……
小朋友寫：他一邊脫衣服，一邊穿褲子。
老師批語：他到底是要脫還是要穿啊？

２。題目：其中
小朋友寫：我的其中一只左腳受傷了。
老師批語：你是蜈蚣嗎？

３。題目：陸陸續續
小朋友寫：下班了，爸爸陸陸續續的回家了。
老師批語：你到底有幾個爸爸呀？

４。題目：難過
小朋友寫：我家門前有條水溝很難過。
老師批語：老師更難過。

５。題目：又 又
小朋友寫：我的媽媽又矮又高又胖又瘦。
老師批語；你的媽媽是變形金鋼嗎？

６。題目：你看
小朋友寫：你看什麼看！沒看過啊
老師批語：沒看過

７。題目：欣欣向榮
小朋友寫：欣欣向榮榮告白。
老師批語：連續劇不要看太多了！

８。題目：好吃
小朋友寫：好吃個屁。
老師批語：有些東西是不能吃的。

９。題目：天真
小朋友寫：今天真熱。
老師批語：你真天真。

１０。題目：果然
小朋友寫：昨天我吃水果，然後喝涼水。
老師批語：是詞組，不能分開的。

１１。題目：先……再……，例題：先吃 飯，再冼澡。
小朋友寫：先生，再見！
老師批語：想像力超過了地球人的智慧。

１２。題目：況且
小朋友寫：一列火車經過，況且況且況且況且況且況
老師批語：我死了算了

My Bangkok Trip....1st day (Part 3)

3rd Location: Chinatown

Bangkok's Chinatown, is a good place to head to for a wonderful dining experience. The area houses some of the best and most expensive Chinese restaurants in the city, along with many of the best and cheapest food stalls, you’ll also find sacks of roasted chestnuts, sequins, feather boas, eccentric virility boosters and martial art weapons.

Birds Nest and Shark Fin Soup is two of the most luxurious foods in the world are widely available in Bangkok, must try ohh....

The street stall, seem like not......but still try it loh!!! =P

4th Location: MBK (Mah Boon Krong)

The multi-storey MBK, or Mah Boon Krong, is probably Bangkok's most legendary shopping mall, popular with both tourists and locals. Eight floors packed with 2,000 shops that sell everything from clothing, fashion accessories, handbags, leather products and luggage to furniture, mobile phones, electric appliances, cameras, stationery and DVD's (and then some).
MBK (launched in 1986) is a beehive of activity, especially on weekends, when half of Bangkok converges to shop for bargains. And plenty of bargains are to be found here!

(haha...i nv take the photo fm MBK....)

My Bangkok Trip....1st day (Part 2)

2nd location: Wat Pho (วัดโพธิ์) - The 9 Wonders of Wat Pho

It is generally known to the Thais, is mainly famous for the huge Reclining Buddha statue it houses. At 20 acres large, it is the largest Wat in Bangkok, and is technically the oldest too, as it was built around 200 years before Bangkok became Thailand's capital. However, today the Wat today bears virtually no resemblance to that originally constructed, as it was almost entirely rebuilt by Rama I when the capital was moved to Bangkok. It holds the dual honors of having both Thailand's largest reclining Buddha image and the most number of Buddha images in Thailand.

The highly impressive gold plated reclining Buddha is 46 meters long and 15 meters high, and is designed to illustrate the passing of the Buddha into nirvana. The feet and the eyes are engraved with mother-of-pearl decoration, and the feet also show the 108 auspicious characteristics of the true Buddha.

1. Phra Buddhasaiyas (Viharn Phranorn)The Viharn of the Reclining Buddha

The Vihara (pronounced Viharn) of the Reclining Buddha houses the Reclining Buddha of the reign of King Rama III. This is the largest and one of the finest Buddha images to be found in the kingdom. The mother-of-pearl inlay at the feet of the image is of the Thai-Chinese style, as indicated by 108 auspicious signs portraying natural scenes of both Indian and Chinese influences.

2. Sala Rai or Satellite Pavilions

The North Pavilion is a library of inscriptions on Thai traditional massage. Thirty-two drawings of massage techniques are depicted on the ceiling of the veranda. There are also inscriptions of the first Thai proverbs known as Supasit Phra Ruang, Thai literary works called Kritsana Sorn Nong, and a portrait of the Royal Kathin Procession.

3. Phra Maha Chedi Si Rajakarn

This consists of a group of four huge pagodas surrounded by a white wall with sheltered gates built in the Thai-Chinese style and decorated with colour-glazed tiles and Chinese rockery guardians. The pagodas consist of Phra Maha Chedi Sri Sanpetdayarn, Phra Maha Chedi Dilok Dhammakaroknitarn, Phra Maha Chedi Muni Batborikharn, and Phra Maha Chedi Song Phra Srisuriyothai.

4. The Legend of Songkran

The Nang Songkran legend involves King Kabilaprom and Prince Thammaban. These characters are depicted on the inner walls of the porticos constructed during the reign of King Rama III.

5. The World Heritage Inscriptions

Wat Pho and the Fine Arts Department have worked in cooperation to establish a museum of Buddha images in the different art styles. The images are classified into three major categories including Buddhist Art, the Buddha's Marks and the Buddha's Attitudes. Wat Pho has been included in the UNESCO Memory of the World (MOW) Programme for 2009. The temple was recognized for the historic inscriptions and hermit statues teaching traditional Thai yoga housed inside it.

6. Wat Pho Giants

The outer walls of the Phra Mondob feature a collection of famous Thai proverbs called Kloang Lokaniti and scenes from the legend about the fight between the giants of Wat Pho Giants and Wat Jaeng that resulted in the emergence of Tha Tien pier.

7. Sala Karn Parien

The Sala Karn Parien pavilion was built in the Ayutthaya period as the main chapel of Wat Phodharam and was later restored during the reign of King Rama III. The principal Buddha image of Wat Phodharam named "Phra Buddha Sassada" was once enshrined here.

8. Phra Buddha Deva Patimakorn

The main chapel was constructed during the reign of King Rama I in the Ayutthaya style. The principal Buddha image is Phra Buddha Deva Patimakorn in the gesture of a seated Buddha on a three-tiered pedestal called Phra Pang Smardhi.

9. Contorted Hermit Mount

The Contorted Hermit Mount was built during the reign of King Rama I. It was the centre of medical science and knowledge from the Ayutthaya period, reflected by statues of hermits or Rishi practicing physical exercises.

These huge stone guards stand at the inner gates.

Wat Pho is also winner of the Award of Outstanding Performance in the 7th Thailand Tourism Awards 2008 in the Cultural Tourist Site – Central Region award category.

TICKETS:
Free admission throughout October 2008

1 November 2008 – 6 April 2009Ticket price: 200 baht per person

Purchase 10 tickets and receive one free ticket

Address:

1600 Petchaburi Road, Makkasan, RajateveeBangkok 10400Thailand

Non stop walking for few hours.....is time to let my precious legs to rest awhile, let the Thai Massage lady used Thai traditional massage to given them relaxed and comfortable....maybe is too comfortable, me really fall as slept on half way massage, just awhile lah! is over abt..... less than 10min....hahaha......

My Bangkok Trip....1st day (Part 1)

Yeah!!! is time to travelling....nv go for travel since my honey moon in 1999, tat time we went to Soul, Korea.....almost 10 years already.....so poor u see......

We planning tis trip since few months ago, finally got chance & time went together with frienz to Shopping Heaven....BANGKOK....is my dreamz Shopping Paradise...think tis time must shop till drop...=PTis my Swiss Air dinner.....Curry Chicken Rice, quite nice leh! , ohh no!!! is supper already coz they served at abt 9.40pm liao!!! sure gain 500gms of fat..... :-(We stay in The Asia Hotel Bangkok, is centrally located for easy access to all the shopping and popular attractions of Thailand's exciting capital city.

U oso can go through 2nd floor to Skytrain Stn...'N1 Ratchathewi', is very convenience....

Tis is my 1st day Breakfast...i ate alots rite? nice nice...must eat full full...then got energy for walk and shop whole day mah....

Our 1st location: Erawan Shrine

Fm The Asia Hotel Bangkok , we used to walk abt 15min to our 1st location, on the way to Erawan Shrine, we went passed the Royal Thai Police HeadQuarters, of coz stopped and take a pic....

Traffic jam...see!!! Thai Taxi very colorfull loh!!! Pink, Orange, Blue, Green...etc....Finally reach Erawan Shrine......

The Erawan Shrine (Thai: ศาลพระพรหม, San Phra Phrom) is a Hindu shrine in Bangkok, Thailand that houses a statue of Phra Phrom, the Thai representation of the Hindu creation god Brahma. A popular tourist attraction, it often features performances by resident Thai dance troupes, who are hired by worshippers in return for seeing their prayers at the shrine answered. On March 21, 2006, a man vandalised the shrine and was subsequently killed by bystanders.

Location:

The shrine is located by the Grand Hyatt Erawan hotel, at the Ratchaprasong intersection of Ratchadamri Road and in Pathum Wan district, Bangkok, Thailand. It is near the Bangkok Skytrain's Chitlom Station, which has an elevated walkway overlooking the shrine. The area has many shopping malls nearby, including Gaysorn, CentralWorld and Amarin Plaza.

漫画......好得意

每天都會遇到的難題

馬克說：大家意見多多又想裝隨和，苦了出主意的人，真的超度爛。

午餐對於上班族來說實在是個非常重要的事。它是你在迷迷糊糊一個上午，血糖降到最低點且就快要撅過去時的解套方式，是你可以名正言順離開公司外出透氣的理由，你也必須利用這段時間與連絡同事間的感情以鞏固自己的人脈，雖然這些感情僅止於同事間的八卦、一起討論老闆的智商為何可以低成這樣、以及客戶的子女到底有沒有屁眼等等...只是通常午餐只有一個小時的時間，你無法離開太遠，以我的經驗，就算你在生活機能超好的地方上班，你所能選擇的店面也大概就是30至50家，扣掉那些點一杯白開水就要80元還有那種髒到你以為是公廁改建的小吃店之外，你能選擇的大概不到30家。再加上你的〝飯友〞中有不吃牛肉的、不吃有腳的、不吃海鮮的、吃素的...你能選擇已經所剩無幾。所以當在一家公司過了試用期之後，附近可以吃的東西大概也吃過幾輪了，所以往後的日子就會陷入這個每天都要面對的難題，我不騙你，我們曾經為了中午要吃什麼還開過小組會議，大家討論之熱烈甚至超越公司的月會。可悲的是，你其實還不太能夠選擇不和大家一起吃飯。

獨自去吃你自己想吃的東西絕對是個錯誤，因為在這個注重團隊的時代，再加上你又剛好只是個金字塔底層的小職員，你隨時要表現出來的就是你非常重視團體行動，你不該有自己的喜好，一切要以大家為主，若是你自己獨自用餐，你立刻就會成為別人餐桌上的八卦話題，從猜測你被甩到你根本就是一個因為家暴而造成的自閉兒都有可能，這些話不久就會傳到你的主管耳中，接著你就很有可能成為需要被特別“關照“的一員，而忙碌的主管往往也懶得花時間去關懷你，不如直接叫你滾蛋，然後找個願意和大家一起吃飯的人來還比較省事。因此每天的午餐基本上就是你調劑身心以及保護自己的重要活動，可千萬不可輕看。

馬克說：辦公室中的真心話往往出現在掛下電話後的30秒

在辦公室上班的大部分時間你聽到的都是冠冕堂皇的場面話，尤其是在電話交談方面，更是高來高去，言不由衷。但是你若是仔細觀察一下掛下電話後每個人的反應，你就會發現每個人真情流露的一面，純真且不帶虛偽，不論是言語或是身體動作都一樣，充分的表達了每個人內心最單純的一面....無知的老闆，別怪他

我向你保證，大部分的老闆都不知道原來當老闆不如想像那樣美好。當他們陰錯陽差的當上了老闆之後，他會立刻發現自己要懂得如何看懂財務報表、如何逃漏稅、如何週轉資金、如何控制成本、如何哄騙客戶、如何蒙蔽股東、如何欺瞞下屬 ...這些都是他之前從沒做過的複雜事，遠遠超出他的腦袋所能負荷，所以老闆們的大腦會立刻啟動防禦機制：將自己的智商降到國小程度，這樣這些複雜煩人的事情就不至於讓他們想撞牆而死。

但是在這樣的前提之下，老闆就很容易造成許多災難。因為智商退化，所以他對於所有細節都不清楚，但是不幸的，為了鞏固老闆崇高的地位，他也必須對很多事提出自己的意見，而這些意見大多只是個人的偏好，完全容不下任何異己，更慘的是你還不能不聽！就算他宣稱還是會以大家的意見為準，我只能說你千萬別相信，這只是他假民主的伎倆～所以聰明的下屬當然是連個屁也不敢放...當然啦，誰敢挺身站出來當著老闆的面說：「嘿～老闆，你說得這些都是狗屁，我們做過了完善的市場調查，數據顯示你只是一個活在自己世界裡的蠢蛋！」若是有，請一定要告訴我，我多年之後一定會和我的孫兒訴說你的故事，讓他們知道人性美好的一面。

狀況外的老闆總是亂給建議，員工也不敢吭聲，只能苦了自己

只能說男人真命苦....

大體上來說，男生在傳統的輿論壓力下，必須在事業上要有所成就才可能掙得少許的社會地位，所以大多數的男人必須好好努力打拼，不為自己，也要為父母、為妻兒。因此在職場上就要付出較多的代價，而且絕對包含〝尊嚴〞，尤其你還是在小職員的時候...

輕鬆一下

WOMAN

If you kiss her, you are not a gentleman
If you don’t, you are not a man
If you praise her, she thinks you are lying
If you don’t, you are good for nothing
If you agree with all her likes, she is amusing
If you don’t, you are not understanding
If you make romance, you are an ‘experienced’ man
If you don’t, you are half a man
If you visit her too often, she thinks it is boring
If you don’t, she accuses you of double-crossing
If you are well dressed, she says you are a playboy
If you don’t, you are a dull boy
If you are jealous, she says it is bad
If you don’t, she thinks you do not love her
If you attempt a romance, she says you didn’t respect her
If you don’t, she thinks you do not like her
If you are a minute late, she complaints it’s hard to wait
If she is late, she says ‘that’s a gal’s way’
If you visit another, she accuses you of being a heel
If she is visited by another, ‘Oh! It’s natural, we’re gals!’
If you kiss her once in a while, she professes you are cold
If you kiss her too often, she yells you are taking advantage
If you fail to help her in crossing the stree, you lack ethics
If you do, she thinks its just one of the man’s tactics
If you stare at other, she accuses you of filrting
If she is stared by others, she says that they are just admiring
If you talk, she wants you to listen
If you listen, she wants you to talk

Oh GOD,
You created those creatures called ‘WOMAN’
So simple, yet so complex
So weak, yet so strong
So confusing, yet so desirable

So, tell me what to do…

Beauty Perfection 完美大挑战2008

Citispa Beauty Perfection 完美大挑战2008 is coming soon... will start showing on TV on 14 Dec, see u every Friday nite 8pm, me will show on episode 5 & 6...it will be 12 & 19 Dec...see u then...

Today afternoon the Mediacorp Host 王绿江, 王建复 , 林翠芳 & Film Produce Teams went to AMK HUB to seek the ppl who need to transform...This is a variety programme in which the hosts go to different locations to scout for contestants with skin/ body imperfections. Each week, there is a different theme for the type of contestants they look for.

The selection of contestants for the finals is through voting by the public. These selected finalists then undergo an intensive treatment programme at CITISPA to solve their skin and figure problems.




ya, me is the one of the conteatant....so lucky rite? haha...

Wow...u see, still got friends/shopper suport me leh! not bad not bad.... =)